Ask Dr. D: Why Musk is making fast cars, but not keeping toilet paper in Tesla offices
Musk can double his money by folding it over once and putting it in his pocket.
My mission is to accelerate the world’s transition to sustainable transport. So far what I have achieved is:
- Producing the fastest, safest car on the planet.
- Producing it at a price much lower than my rivals.
- Adding self-driving and autopilot more advanced than any other.
- Building the largest factories in the world and in record time.
- Doing all of this in only 12 years and with little initial capital.
But automobiles are a tough business and bankruptcy is always around the corner. The press reports it as budgetary incompetence. But we didn’t actually overspend our budget. The allocation simply fell short of our expenditure...
Anyway, in my latest attempt to cut costs, the following was reported: “Teams at several Tesla facilities are going to some extremes in attempts to cut costs, including skipping on ordering office supplies — even toilet paper.”
As you can imagine, this is causing embarrassment and wiping off quite a bit off our net worth. It is making our stock the laughing stock. What should be done? E Musk Fremont
Dear Mr Musk,
I have the following pieces of advice for you.
- The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.
- Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? Because it was stuck in a crack.
And so far as the TP scandal goes, I suggest you say that you are, in fact, learning from India and making toilets with hand faucets. This will save money, help the environment and be more hygienic.
(The author is one of the leading doctors in the country. He values his privacy, but not of his clients.)
STATUTORY WARNING: This humour column is not for the weak-kneed or the thin-skinned.