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Running for president: John McAfee wants Dr D to craft his campaign message

Dr D feels that McAfee's campaign can't add any more scandal to the US presidency than it has already achieved in the past three years.

ET Bureau|
Jul 15, 2019, 08.02 AM IST
He is one of the leading doctors in the country. He values his privacy (but not of his clients).

Dear Dr D,

I am wanted as a criminal by the US government… and so I am running for president. What do you think? If you ask me what I think, I’d say that I don’t really want to be president. In fact, I cannot be president. But I do have a large Twitter following and so…

Anyway, I’m sending my resume to you so that you can help out in crafting a campaign message. Here goes:

.. I have five decades of experience in information technology. If you have an anti-virus loaded on your computer, the chances are high that I designed it and my name is on it.

.. After making millions, I moved to South America. Sometime ago, I was accused of murdering my neighbour (not sure if I should publicise this in my campaign speeches — what do you think?)

.. After this, the following item was reported about me: “In 2013, the millionaire posted a rambling video on which he explained how to uninstall McAfee software, his nose covered in white powder as seven scantily-clad women massage his shirtless chest and shoulders. The film, which ends on an image of him firing a pistol at a computer screen, was watched nine million times. In 2015, McAfee was arrested in the United States for driving under the influence. He again disappeared from view until January 2019, when he fled the country.”

J McAfee,

Dear Mr McAfee,

I do use your anti-virus and thank you for inventing it. So far as your campaign goes, I do not think it will add any more scandal to the US presidency than it has already achieved in the past three years.

*STATUTORY WARNING: This humour column is not for the weak-kneed or the thin-skinned.
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